Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
