He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
