Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
