I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
