I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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