sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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