If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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