How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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