Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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