The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
