Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
