last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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