we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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