so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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