Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
