You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
