we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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