I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
