you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
