I'm really into asian looking animals
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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