he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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