guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
