Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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