Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
