I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
