No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
