my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
