Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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