I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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