What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
