I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
