if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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