my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
