I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
