i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
