Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
