he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
