in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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