Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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