ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
