Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
