I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
