Moan for me like Helen Keller
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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