U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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