I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
