I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
