god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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