I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
