Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
