I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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