No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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