We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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