The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
