my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
