He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
