Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
