do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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