i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
