how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
