I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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