as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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