Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
