I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
