He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
