Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
