how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
