dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Mom said you looked used
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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