I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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