I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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